Friday, June 25, 2010

All Valuables Removed...?



AMA has this new thing where they give you a sticker for your car window that says, "ALL VALUABLES REMOVED."


But if you're like me, having the sticker wouldn't really change much. I'd still forget to bring in my emergency $5 bill and my iPod. So I made a new sticker for people like you and I. Feel free to print it out & tape it to your window:






Monday, June 14, 2010

Sneezing Politics



I grew up in a home where no one said "Bless you" after you sneezed. We sneezed, nothing was said, life went on.

Then I entered the "real world." A world where everyone - even complete strangers - jump at the chance to say "BLESS YOU!" right after I sneeze. It makes me try not to sneeze in public. It's so awkward.


I always cringe when someone sneezes, because I feel like they think I'm super rude if I don't say bless you. But then I also feel so dumb and awkward, squeaking out a "bless you." I don't want to be viewed as being rude. It's just how I was raised. Also, I think saying bless you is kind of dumb, to be honest.


In fact, I'd like to propose this - when two people first meet, they each say "bless you" to each other ... a sort of "blanket blessing", if you will. From that day forward, you won't have to say bless you when they sneeze, and vice versa. It's covered. 'Til the end of time.

This would be an especially good rule at work. I find it so awkward to bless people/be blessed for sneezing at work. I've only just started sneezing in front of other people ... so it's all new to me. I'd rather my sneezes go unnoticed.

Not to mention - blessing people for sneezing at work brings with it a bunch of new conditions/rules/questions:


  • If someone doesn't say "thank you" after you bless them, do you still say "bless you" the next time they sneeze? Or are you free from ever blessing them again?

  • If someone NEVER blesses you after you sneeze, yet blesses everyone else every time they sneeze, do you still bless them? Or do you sneeze, glare at them, shout "THANK YOU!!!" and turn back to your computer, typing angrily?

  • If you can't see the person who sneezes - say they're two offices away- can you be exempt from saying bless you? Or do I have to yell down the hall, "BLESS YOU! DEAR GOD! BLESS YOU!!!!!!!! WHOEVER YOU ARE!" ?


HATCH-OOOOOO!



Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Help - All of my Celebrity Crushes are from 1996!





Yesterday a co-worker sauntered up to me and started a pleasant light-hearted office conversation with me. Sipping her water, she asked me, "So.... who are your celebrity crushes?"


My mind went blank. Celebrity crushes? What a fun conversation. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anyone's name to say. Not one. I stuttered out something about how Conan O'Brien is really funny and I wouldn't mind hanging out with him for an afternoon. My co-worker wrinkled her nose. Not good enough. Damn. So then I blurted out that I think Gordon Ramsey is pretty hot, even though he's about 20 years my senior and borderline abusive. Co-worker wrinkled up her nose again, displeased. Damn it!!

umm... let me think.


Brad Pitt?

Gavin Rossdale?

Enriquuoa Iglacceious? (sp?)

The blonde guy from Take That?



.... no, those won't do. After some more thought, all that came to mind were WOMEN!! I came up with 10 celebrity women who I have crushes on, but not one man. Is that weird? ... hmm don't answer.



I need new celebrity crushes! And I really need to study up on "New Hollywood." All of my crushes are from 1996.


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