Wednesday, September 16, 2009

ASSSSSSSSKKKK KARYN!
Drunk & Smoochy



Dear AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSKKKKKKK KARYN,


Last weekend I had a most splendid evening with a very old and very dear friend. We shared a bottle of wine, a decade of memories, and many, many laughs.


All was well until we uncorked bottle number two… then started chugging orange AlizĂ©… then before we knew it, we had hit the town in a crowded club, and were making out to classic Backstreet Boys tunes on the dancefloor


So, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASKKKKK Karyn, my question to you is… Why do tasty drinks often turn into bitter regrets? And what kind of toothpaste should I buy to cleanse my oral palate?


Signed,
Drunk & Smoochy

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Dear Drunk & Smoochy,


Well, one of the most visible ways alcohol affects an individual is the loss of inhibitions observed in those with blood alcohol levels as low as .01%! You see, the prefrontal cortex, located at the anterior end of the frontal lobes, is specifically responsible for normal control of impulses.

........... just kidding.

Actually, I think it's cuz... like... alchy-hol tastes super duper good and makes our brains and hearts feel really free :D :D :D And we drink it and gargle it and laugh and dance.

Out of curiosity, Drunk & Smoochy, can you anonymously tell us... do you not like-like your friend like that? Does she like-like YOU? Is it awkward now? Give us the juice!! Our juice cups are out & ready to be filled with the JUICE! Juice us up, Scotty!

... oh, and sorry for all your troubles.


Love,

ASKKKKSKSKKSKKK KARYN



(Please note: the whole dancing to the Backstreet Boys thing remains a mystery. I have no advice to give about that. Just let the rhythm take you, man. Just let the rhythm take you.)

5 comments:

  1. Wait...I'm confused. Is this a man and a woman friend? A man and a man friend? A woman and a man friend? Or a woman and a woman friend? I'm just wondering so I know how aroused to be.

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  2. Sherri I think it's best to just be really, really aroused, and not worry about the details.

    You know what they say, all cats taste the same in the dark!
    (...not a saying? How does this saying go? "Feel the same"? "look the same"? "dance similarily"?)

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  3. ugghhh Sherri it's a MALE friend and his female friend.

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  4. Dear, ASSSSSSSSSKKKK KARYN!!!

    Your advice is so insightful. Pray tell, how did you come to be so wise?

    To answer your questions (pronounced in fancy French form as KESS-TEE-YONES):

    No, I do not like my friend that way, and she does not like me in that way either.
    Which is strange... because the two of us are a pair of hot tamales and would produce some fiiiine offspring.

    Thing is... just not into it.

    The other thing is... I think we smacked the smooch just to show off!
    Are public displays of faux-affection really all that bad? Sure, sometimes I like to gently the tap the bums of attractive strangers on the train... but this just seems like we went too far.


    Signed,
    Drunk 'N Smoochy

    PS- I like purple juice!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. Experience makes her wise!

    ReplyDelete

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