Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Help For The Facebook Addict

A lot of people are talking these days about being addicted to Facebook. Indeed, Facebook is an Internet phenom bigger than the youtube video “Hey Macaroni!” — a spoof of the popular Macarena song, featuring a squad of elbow pasta that comes to life for a lively song and dance number. Man that was a good video. (I can’t find it on youtube to share with you. So... umm... just imagine it! hahaha! Good, hey?)

Lately I’ve been wondering if I, too, am addicted to Facebook. Some people tell me I am. So I did a bit of online research, looking for tips and tricks for the Facebook Addict (how to curb your usage, etc) Here are some of them:

1. Define your goals on Facebook.

My goals on Facebook? To find the juice. That’s all I’m lookin’ for, baby… I want to fill my gossip cup to the top with the juice. Juice me up!

2. Think of other things you could be doing with your time spent on Facebook. If you find yourself spending, say, 10 hours a week on Facebook, make a list of all the other things you could accomplish in that time. You could:

~ Pick up a part-time job and invest that money in stocks (ewww. No!)

~ Teach a child to throw a football (this is the gayest suggestion I’ve ever read. Seriously.)

~ Build a gas scooter or an adobe wall (I don’t even know what either of these things are!)

~ Calculate the centre of gravity (Get outta here!!!! I don’t wannu!!)

~ Teach yourself a new language (Non!)

~ Make a papasan cushion (Wait, WHAT??! Make a what?? HAHahahaha. How random and specific?)

~ Start a Notebook. Write down your feelings (this is stupid.)

I think at the end of the day, you only really have a “problem” with Facebook if you are neglecting your daily duties (like not feeding your kids) or missing work. If you have real-life friends on there, and you keep up-to-date with them through the site, what’s the harm? People who say to me, “how can you be so obsessed with Facebook? It’s boring!” must not have any real friends on the site. Or no important friends, anyway. Because it is a miraculous tool to keep in touch.

The truth is, I don't actually use the site for gossipy juice. I use it to share my stupid pictures, look at other people's stupid pictures, write on my brother's wall and message friends. So, screw you, papasan cushion!!! Screw you.


  1. I can't even express how much I love you.

  2. I curbed my usage by 50%.
    "How?", you ask?
    It's very simple. I created an alter ego, who, began to use one half of my facebook time. This left only 50% for the real me, thus bringing my addiction back to a healthy level.
    I believe this approach is cascadable as well. Soon I'll have 25 identities, each living a normal, happy life.

  3. P.S.
    "Hey, Real Torino!"

  4. HAHAHA UGH!!!!

    1) I know, right? I guess Genevieve Larue will have to get herself a facebook account.

    2)That pasta dance is sooo dumb!! How slow are they doing the dance moves???! Sick.

  5. I think the 'Hey, Macaroni' dance actually originated as a screensaver. I vaguely remember a teacher in junior high had it on her computer.


  6. hahaha. Yeah... that's all I could find, too. And that screensaver can be ours... for only $6.00 !!!!

  7. Karyn, I get seriously concerned when I see a pie chart and no time is allocated to "ghost fear".

    Constant vigilance against ghosts is what separates us from (ghost) animals.

  8. Papasan cushions are great for sore, aching neutered balls... wait, my balls are gone.

    Boooo Hooooo.

  9. OMG. I just found this NOW. KARYN. YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT RE: EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD! I AM YELLING THIS IN INTERNET! Also, there no way I'm teaching a child to throw a ball. No one ever taught me, why should they learn?? Am I right, people?? I've missed out on the juice chat, haven't I?

  10. Christie in FB DetoxFebruary 14, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    Oh, hello estranged Facebook friends. I'm just popping by from Facebook rehab to pick up another healthy habit to fill the time. While I haven't been spending hours sewing papasan cushions, I have started work on my erotic novel, eating peas with chopsticks, and playing water polo with the elderly at the Mill Woods Rec Centre. It's a full life. I like the football suggestion you mentioned, Karyn. Does anyone have a child they can lend me? I'll teach it to throw a football like a girl REAL GOOOD.

  11. UGHH yes, Sherri. I agree. No one taught you to throw a ball, so no stupid kid is gonna learn from you. You know why? LIFE ISN'T FAIR.

    Christie: UGHHHH hahahaha. Nice to see you and nice to hear of all the things you've been doing!! My personal favorite is playing Water Polo with the elderly at MW Rec Center. You are a fine person.

    Also, I think my neighbor has a kid for you to use. I'll pick it up and take it to your house tomorrow morning.

  12. Hahahaha! I'll pick "it" up...


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