Monday, February 2, 2009

ASSSSSSSSK KARYN!
My cat meows all night. I want to kill her. Should I?


Dear Karyn,

Why is my cat crying all night? I want to punch her in the throat, but she's too fast. Why is she doing this? What should I do??

Signed,


Meow Mix
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Dear Meow Mix,

I don't know. Maybe she's like sad or bored or somethin'. Why don't you check out Yahoo Answers? They seem to know a lot over there.


Bye-eeee!

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Dear KARYN,

Ask Karyn really sucks lately. I haven't gotten anything constructive out of her "wisdom." Do you think something has been "gettin' her goat" lately? I can't figure it out.

Signed,

Meow Mix


p.s. I still want to murder my cat's face

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Dear Meow Mix,


My apologies. My goat has not been had by anything. I'm going to "toss this one out" to our dear readers.

Dear readers, do you know why Meow Mix' cat is meowing all night long? She is 7 months old and unneutered. Also, her name is like Frank or Marlon or Gibson or something. And it's a GIRL cat. So... I'm thinking she might be pissed about her manly name?

Help!



15 comments:

  1. OK, first up, if you're first instinct is to "punch her in the throat," I really, really, really, really, really hope you never have kids. You know what else cries all night? Babies. And they can't run.

    SPCA has now been called and they're coming to haul your ass away.

    Now that that's done, let's see what the wisdom of the Internet holds, Ms. Punchy-Punch. The first solution that most offer is that it might be time to get you cat spayed. (that's what you get done to girl cats. Only boy cats get neutered.) Not only does that settle down unruly pets, but, as Bob Barker says, you'll also help control the pet population.

    Option #2 is that kitty is getting chilly at night. Wrap a hot water bottle in a blankie and put it in a basket for kitty to snuggle up to.

    Option #3 is that kitty is getting lonely. The tried and true method in this case is to wrap up a clock in a blankie and put it in a basket for kitty to snuggle up to. Kitty will think the ticking clock is another kitty and not be lonely.

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  2. DUDE!!! SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA FUCKEN GIV'ER!!! GIVE THAT CAT THE OLD ETHER SOKED RAG!!!PROBLEM SOLVED!!!

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  3. This might not be Sam.February 2, 2009 at 6:23 PM

    Just tell Adam to play with his cat more often. She is just starved for attention. I mean, what kind of attention does he really give her? Bad attention, that's what.

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  4. I'm going to step in to defend Meow Mix. He or she would never actually kill their cat. I'm pretty sure it was just a saying. You know? Something we all say... "I'll kill you" or "I love you" or " I love the great outdoors."

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  5. OK, maybe I over-reacted when I said that someone who wants to punch kittens shouldn't have kids. I didn't mean to offend, and if I did, I apologize.

    However, if you really do regard things like "punch it in the throat" and "I love you" as "something we all say," then I highly recommend you try some of these anti-depressants that the doctor's got me on. I'm once again feeling love! It doesn't have to be just something you say!

    That, and they're cherry flavoured!

    Love and cherries, does life get any better?

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  6. Ok. My dog only listens to me when I speak to him in French. Therefore I assume he was a french man in a past life. Possibly a bagette maker.

    It's possible that this cat doesn't understand english either. Perhaps it was an italian opera star. Maybe learn how to say shut up in all kinds of languages and see if any of them get a good response.

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  7. Know-It-All ChristieFebruary 3, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    Maybe your kit-kat just needs a friend. She clearly loves the sound of her own voice and has many stories to tell so she just needs someone who understands her language to listen. Get another cat, that will surely solve your problem. Or make it twice as bad--whichevs....

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  8. What kind of BOY owns a cat?

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  9. Science is stepping in here...February 9, 2009 at 9:58 AM

    GIRL cats get SPAYED. Neutered means the cat is getting it's balls chopped off. Dummies. Unless of course, the female has grown a pair of balls (not unheard of, I'm growing a small pair myself).

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  10. karyn (not too scared to post her real name!)February 9, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    Wow. Who are you? You called me a DUMMY. That is a burn and a half!*


    *if you're in grade 2.


    BURN!

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  11. Hey Karyn...I'm going to neuter you.

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  12. Hey Science.. I'm going to neuter you.

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  13. Hey Science- why don't you go put another Dawrin fish on your JETTA???

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  14. Melissa (I rocked Karyn at badminton circa '92)February 9, 2009 at 9:36 PM

    I don't know about you guys, but my cat is a big fat jerk who likes to meow all night for attention.

    Not-so-dramatic-reenactment:
    Me: zzzzzz
    Zoe: Meow?
    Me: zzzzz
    Zoe: Meow!
    Me: Oh god. That stupid cat.
    Zoe: MEOW! MEOW!
    Me: SHUT UP!
    Zoe: MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
    Me: SHUT UP BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU
    Zoe: zzzzz

    ReplyDelete
  15. I feel so neutered. Anonymously neutered.

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