Friday, February 20, 2009
Since when has it been okay to get on an elevator, walk to the back and say to the person standing next to the buttons, “floor 3, please.”???????
This has happened to me TWICE at my work now!! And it came from TWO different people! I don't get it??? It hasn't even been a crowded elevator either time. It's YOUR JOB to press your own damn elevator button when you enter an elevator! Just because I'm standing closer to the buttons doesn't make me the Elevator Porter.
What do YOU think? Isn't this rude and weird??
A friend of mine recently laughed as she shared her own elevator woes: "I keep getting elevators at work that fill up but then they keep stopping and the people on the elevator say 'Come on in! There's still room!!' When there CLEARLY isn't any room and I'm clearly already squished at the back. I'm on the top floor, so we have to go down 16 other levels and it's always packed to the brim by the third stop, but people keep PILING in."
I think next time she should say "Jump on in! The elevator's fine!!!" She'd probably get a really big laugh. A big elevator laugh. And we all know that elevator laughs are way more precious than regular office laughs.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Ahh, the time is upon us yet again. The time of paper valentines, twinkling stars, gentle smooches and going into diabetic shock from Hershey's cordial cherry kisses. NOM NOM NOM.
I realize that finding the "perfect card" for your significant other can be hard. I was lookin' around online ... looking up Valentine's Day cards. Some of the cards I stumbled across were GROTESQUE!! And others... well, I just didn't quite "get." Here are a few:
And... perhaps the creepiest Valentine's Day card of all time:
Okay, so, along with my secret Ghost Writer (Sherri H), I created some better (?) Valentine's Day cards.
Feel free to print these off & give them to your Valentine! Or, right click on your mouse on the picture and then put "save as" and save the picture as a jpeg on to your computer screen!!!!! And then email that jpeg to your lover.
I made this one all by myself!!! I was trying to recreate an elephant wearing a baby's bonnet, as a lot of Valentine's cards seem to feature elephants wearing bonnets (for some reason?) As for the prose... well, that's just the stupidest/corniest thing we could think of at the time. ...It was really early in the morning.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A lot of people are talking these days about being addicted to Facebook. Indeed, Facebook is an Internet phenom bigger than the youtube video “Hey Macaroni!” — a spoof of the popular Macarena song, featuring a squad of elbow pasta that comes to life for a lively song and dance number. Man that was a good video. (I can’t find it on youtube to share with you. So... umm... just imagine it! hahaha! Good, hey?)
Lately I’ve been wondering if I, too, am addicted to Facebook. Some people tell me I am. So I did a bit of online research, looking for tips and tricks for the Facebook Addict (how to curb your usage, etc) Here are some of them:
1. Define your goals on Facebook.
My goals on Facebook? To find the juice. That’s all I’m lookin’ for, baby… I want to fill my gossip cup to the top with the juice. Juice me up!
2. Think of other things you could be doing with your time spent on Facebook. If you find yourself spending, say, 10 hours a week on Facebook, make a list of all the other things you could accomplish in that time. You could:
~ Pick up a part-time job and invest that money in stocks (ewww. No!)
~ Teach a child to throw a football (this is the gayest suggestion I’ve ever read. Seriously.)
~ Build a gas scooter or an adobe wall (I don’t even know what either of these things are!)
~ Calculate the centre of gravity (Get outta here!!!! I don’t wannu!!)
~ Teach yourself a new language (Non!)
~ Make a papasan cushion (Wait, WHAT??! Make a what?? HAHahahaha. How random and specific?)
~ Start a Notebook. Write down your feelings (this is stupid.)
I think at the end of the day, you only really have a “problem” with Facebook if you are neglecting your daily duties (like not feeding your kids) or missing work. If you have real-life friends on there, and you keep up-to-date with them through the site, what’s the harm? People who say to me, “how can you be so obsessed with Facebook? It’s boring!” must not have any real friends on the site. Or no important friends, anyway. Because it is a miraculous tool to keep in touch.
The truth is, I don't actually use the site for gossipy juice. I use it to share my stupid pictures, look at other people's stupid pictures, write on my brother's wall and message friends. So, screw you, papasan cushion!!! Screw you.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Why is my cat crying all night? I want to punch her in the throat, but she's too fast. Why is she doing this? What should I do??
Dear Meow Mix,
I don't know. Maybe she's like sad or bored or somethin'. Why don't you check out Yahoo Answers? They seem to know a lot over there.
Ask Karyn really sucks lately. I haven't gotten anything constructive out of her "wisdom." Do you think something has been "gettin' her goat" lately? I can't figure it out.
p.s. I still want to murder my cat's face
Dear Meow Mix,
My apologies. My goat has not been had by anything. I'm going to "toss this one out" to our dear readers.
Dear readers, do you know why Meow Mix' cat is meowing all night long? She is 7 months old and unneutered. Also, her name is like Frank or Marlon or Gibson or something. And it's a GIRL cat. So... I'm thinking she might be pissed about her manly name?