Wednesday, November 12, 2008

All The Hugs You Can Handle (requires 3 'C' Batteries) !

People who know me well know that I love catalogues, brochures and especially flyers. When my newspaper comes each day, I open it up and remove all of the exciting flyers. I lay down, stretch out my tired gams and get a-readin'. I love November onward because of all of the extra flyers - Christmas catalogues, etc.

This year, I have become quite enamoured with the kid's toys. I read each word, smile and wish that I could've had some of this cool stuff when I was young. Some of it, however, leaves me a little perplexed. In the last few years, the toy manufacturers have seemingly become better at creating "life-like" toy animals. These pretend pets are better than the real thing - they are loveable, litter-trained and dead on the inside - just like you!

Here are some of the life-life toys on the market now:

My Little Pony Crawling Newborn

"Press this sweet pony's back and watch her crawl her way over to you and right into your heart!
Care for her and love her and she'll respond to you with pony phrases like, 'Come and get me!' and 'Mama!' Watch her colorful tail wiggle as she crawls to you and then scoop her up in your arms and pet her soft, furry body."

I like that they think "Mama" is traditionally a pony phrase.


Fur Real Friends - Newborn Piglet

"This little piglet loves to be loved! Pet its soft fur and watch it wiggle its snout and tail while snorting, squealing and oinking!"

UGH. This one's adorable. Also, you get to bottle feed it!!


Fur Real Newborn Guinea Pig

"This adorable guinea pig was just born and needs your love and attention! Give him lots of affection by petting the soft fur on his back. He will make baby sounds and then gently lift up his head to look at you."

Okay, hahaahhaha... how creepy/cute is this guinea pig???? UGH. Look at it's feet!!!! And it's giant head. Also, "making baby sounds and gently looking up" is pretty cute, I guess.


Fur Real Cuddle Chimp

"Electronic interactive chimp really hugs you (requires three C batteries.) Claps hands, feeds on bottle, and even giggles when tickled in the right spot."

Alright... those who know me well also know that I have a "thing" for monkeys. And I don't mean a liking. I think they're more than a little creepy. I love the fact that it requires three batteries to hug you. The story of my life, am I right??!


Fur Real Friends Biscuit, My Lovin' Pup

"Playtime is going to the dogs and this playful pooch is leading the charge! The lovable mutt features voice recognition, and obeys six commands. He even 'shakes a paw.' Ask him if he wants a treat, and he'll nod and whimper to let you know he's ready for his dog 'bone'!"

Yeah, I don't have much to say about this one. It's pretttttty cool.


Fur Real Cat

"- Cat will Sit up & lie down
- Head & neck move
- Moving ears, eyes & mouth
- Purrs when happy, but will hiss if you pull her tail!
- Lifelike leg movement when you pick cat up
- Sensors on its back and stomach that detect stroking"

Hey - humans have that, too (sensors in the back and stomach that detect stroking.) AM I RIGHT?? Okay, so obviously I am a little biased seeing as cats are my favorite animal in the world, but this thing is FRIGGIN' AWESOME. Also, "lifelike leg movement when you pick the cat up" made me laugh. I bet you they're real droopy, grumpy cat legs.

I started off my research today to find the weirdest, creepiest toys I could find. But, alas, I must say that the toys have won again. I find myself wanting one of these Fur Real Cats. Real bad. I wanna Fur Real Real Bad :( Here's a
video of it in action. And, hey, maybe the fur real cat is more realistic than the dog one because cats don't actually do much - so it isn't difficult to emulate one.


And, in closing... here is a video of a "life-like" toy dog... I don't know what country this is from, but ... the whole tongue thing is a bit too realistic for me.


  1. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! All the animals are creepy and lifelike and gross (especially the cat). Except how cute is my little pony crawling newborn????? Ughhhhhhhhhh.

    Dear Santa,

    Please bring me some My Little Pony crawling newborns for Christmas even though I've been a bad boy.



  2. Okay...where do I EVEN start?


    With pony like phrases " Come and Get me!" Urgggg....

    The guinea pig gently lifts its head and looks at you?!?!?! Gross how lazy is this guinea pig and how bored would a kid get just watching it gently lifting its head and looking at people. And its feet are just sick.

    And the robot animal will REALLY HUG you??!??!!? It's not really hugging you. It's just closing its robot arms slighting....resembling a hug!

    And the cat will HISS at you if you pull its tail?!?!?!? How scary would that be?? And I would totally pull its tail just to see/hear that feature!

  3. UGH! That cat is SICK. It's little gently blinking peepers and soft 'mew'. So perfect for you it's sick Karyn. Blech.

    Also, :-D :-D

  4. Meredith - the newborn piglet is cute, too!!!!!

    Dana - I like to read what you wrote about the guniea pig. It makes my heart laugh. Also, I would pull the cat's tail, too. But just once or twice.

    Christie - w/e. :D :D :D

  5. Karyn, every time I come to your blog I go, "fuck, she is awesome."

  6. hahahaha... God bless you, Jeremy.

    Also, which pretend animal would you ask for for Christmas? (You must pick one.) Please answer in the space provided below.


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