What's the deal with elevator music, hey? Where did it go? You always hear people talking about elevator music, about how bad it is, but... I never hear it anymore! Am I right? (wait for applause) I haven't heard elevator music in YEARS! And, frankly, I miss it!!!!! (wait for incredulous laughter)
Elevators are SO AWKWARD. I hate them! I have to take elevators all the time at my work, so I am in and out of those silver rockets all the live long day. And it doesn't matter who you are or what type of person you are - when you enter an elevator, you stop talking. We all do. Then we all stand there in dreadful silence, listening to our neighbor's stomach gurgle, avoiding eye contact and trying not to swallow too loudly. You see, if we had elevator music again, these trips would be a lot more comfortable for us all. AM I RIGHT? (wait for wild applause) So, pipe it in, man! And pipe it in good.