Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Breaking (CUTE) News!!!!

Monster pig traps Aussie woman in home

The Edmonton Journal


Tue 23 Sep 2008

SYDNEY - A pig the size of a Shetland pony has trapped an Australian woman in her village home, the national broadcaster reported Tuesday.

Caroline Hayes, 63, has tried leave her house in Uki in northern New South Wales to use the outdoor toilet but says the animal bit her and shoved her back inside.

"It's a beautiful male pig but he's just so big and so pushy," she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.

Rangers from the local Murwillumbah Council tried to rescue her but could not capture the huge animal.

"The rangers came out to my house yesterday with a dog cage and this pig is that big, it's like trying to put an elephant in a dog cage," she said. "They tried for a little while and they couldn't do it. They got him halfway in and he just backed off and went back to my dam, where he was having a lovely time in the water."

The rangers beat a strategic retreat and were due to try to capture the pig again today, ABC said.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I say... if you're going to be trapped inside your home by ANY animal, I'd choose a giant pig! Am I right?! Also, how cute is this quote: "it's a BEAUTIFUL male pig but he's just so big and so pushy." hahahahaha!!!!! ALSO, I liked this quote a lot - "he was having a lovely time in the water."


Ugh. This is the cutest breaking news that I've ever read.



Edit: Oh wait. I just google image searched the term "giant pig" and the picture that turned up is absolutely dreadful!! AHHHH!








(Thanks to Dana for submitting this BREAKING NEWS to the Karyn Germain Weekly Newsletter! She's my #1 News Scooper! ... wait. That's what people are called who send in news stories, right? "News Scoopers"?)

Friday, September 19, 2008

"ASKKK KARYN" in the subject line









Hello Karyn,

Let me just start off by saying I'm a long time reader, first time writer-in person. Great blog. Great blog.

Now down to business. I've been meaning to ask you this for quite some time now... Why are all your ASKKK KARYN questions so dumb? Do you make up these stupid questions and then write the stupid answers? Or are real stupid people coming up with this stupid stuff?

Sincerely,

~:-?

----------------------------------------

Hi ~:-?

Thanks for writing. Great letter. Great letter.

Every single ASSSSSKKKK Karyn that has ever been printed has come from a real, live stupid person*.

As Ann Landers used to say before she died, "I can't make this stuff up!" HAHAHAHHA. Oh, Ann. So true. So true.







*Contributors, please don't read this part.

Friday, September 12, 2008

ASKKK KARYN!

Dear Karyn,

My first question would revolve around why you choose to have three K's in your Askkk Karyn portion of your blog. As I get easily tanned in the summer, I find this very offensive!

My second question for Karyn is this - as a very muscular man, (seriously, I can can bench press you, Karyn!) I would like to know why women are so intimidated by me that they feel the need to throw holy water in my face and start praying for me? It really troubles me and I would like to stop being referred to as Satan's rejected son.

Signed,

Satan's Rejected Son

============================================

Dear SRS,

Umm. I... um. I wish I could answer this is some way because I am in dire need of blogging material.

I have pictures of stray cats that I came across on a walk last week that I could post, but I am trying desperately to get away from the whole "Karyn is obsessed with cats and has nothing else to blog about" thing.

So. I'm posting the only ASKKK Karyn question I've received in the last 3 months. Enjoy!

Love,

Karyn

p.s. SRS, call me ;) ;) ;) ;)


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Reader Email!

Here at THE KARYN GERMAIN NEWSLETTER, we receive countless stories, rumours and breaking news tidbits to share with our readers. Unfortunately, we only have so much space on the internet to post them all!!! I think we only get like three pages of internet per month :-(

That said, today has been a really slow news day for us. I have only received ONE reader email all day. Can you believe it? Here it is:


"Haha... i found a random cucumber in my parking lot. hahaha."




It was a pretty good email to receive, I guess.

Friday, September 5, 2008

My Elevator Bit.

What's the deal with elevator music, hey? Where did it go? You always hear people talking about elevator music, about how bad it is, but... I never hear it anymore! Am I right? (wait for applause) I haven't heard elevator music in YEARS! And, frankly, I miss it!!!!! (wait for incredulous laughter)

Elevators are SO AWKWARD. I hate them! I have to take elevators all the time at my work, so I am in and out of those silver rockets all the live long day. And it doesn't matter who you are or what type of person you are - when you enter an elevator, you stop talking. We all do. Then we all stand there in dreadful silence, listening to our neighbor's stomach gurgle, avoiding eye contact and trying not to swallow too loudly. You see, if we had elevator music again, these trips would be a lot more comfortable for us all. AM I RIGHT? (wait for wild applause) So, pipe it in, man! And pipe it in good.



There was an error in this gadget