Thursday, July 10, 2008

Social Networking Site Accuses Local Man of Being Gay!

And now, introducing THE KARYN GERMAIN WEEKLY NEWSLETTER's newest (and only) Cub Reporter! This does not necessarily mean that he will be letting us in on all the latest baby bear cub news (although that would be nice. Perhaps from time to time, Bob?)
It means he is our special guest blogger.
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Bob Evans
Cub Reporter

While I can't prove that my Grandmother is in charge of the ads that appear in the sidebar of my Facebook home page, I find it more than a little coincidental that they reflect her exact criticisms of me. Don't get me wrong, my Gramma is a sweet old woman, but she's very, very old and as such, feels that tact has long since become an impediment to expressing her feelings in the most devastating way possible.

As you will remember, these ads started as being fairly innocuous, touting vacation spots in barren and uninhabitable locations such as Prince Edward Islands.

One day, however, they decided to go on the attack.

I hit refresh on my home page for the 67th time that day, when I noticed in the corner of my eye the number 26 in one of the side ads. This number holds a mystical significance to me as it is my current age and I find anything that has to do with ME absolutely captivating. The message this ad was trying to impart to me came word by word:

"26" (A fine age)
"And" (My favorite conjunction)
"Still" (That's a little ominous)
"Single" (BASTARD!)
"?" (YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I AM!)

I am afraid to open facebook now! Every time I do I'm faced with horribly personal questions! 26 and STILL SINGLE!? 26 and OVERWEIGHT?! 26 and GAY?!

I think the worst and possibly the most pathetic effect these four words and one piece of punctuation had on me was that it hurt my feelings. I emitted an audible, "Awww maaan, c'mon..."


5 comments:

  1. I actually noticed these facebook ads a couple of days ago, too. The thing is, I thought I was being super paranoid. Mine said, "28 and overweight?!? Lose that belly fat!" and I was thinking..."Man, that really hit home. Ouch. I must just be overly sensitive."

    But now I see that they are attacking everyone. That makes me feel better. :D :D :D

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  2. Thanks for a shot at the big time boss!

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  3. I don't know Bob- being 26 and GAY might solve your single problem.

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  4. Gay dudes tend to be in pretty good shape too, so you know... three birds with one stone.

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