Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Regular bombing?

I wonder if suicide bombers have ever heard of doing regular bombing? I mean, all in all, it IS a way better idea. Am I right?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Inappropriate Office Behavior




Having worked in many an office over the years, I have encountered many an annoying cubicle-neighbor. Here is a list of behaviors that you should avoid at all costs in an office environment:


Inappropriate Office Behavior

- Slurping your beverage (hey, man, we all get thirsty. But I shouldn't hear every single droplet going down your gullet.)

- Chewing and smacking your food loudly (normal eating sounds are fine, but when you’re adding in LIP SMACKS, loud, wet tongues or sound effects, you’ve gone too far.)

- Making bad office jokes

- Making the SAME bad office joke more than once

- Making the SAME bad office joke on more than one occasion on multiple days

- Asking time-related questions that we all know the answer to (e.g. “Is it lunchtime yet?”, “Is it Friday yet?” and “It’s five o’clock somewhere, am I right?”*)
*saying these are only acceptable when said with a twinkle in one’s eye.

- Taking a newspaper into the bathroom with you

- Talking on a cell phone in a bathroom stall

- Playing Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" on your office iPod more than three times per day

- Talking to yourself. This includes all forms of whispering, laughing and encouraging words (e.g. "OKAY, Let's get goin' here, Brian!")



Avoid all of these inappropriate office behaviors and you will make many friend!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

My Baby Is Too Hydrated!


Today's Google Adsense Ad on my blog is advertising "Baby Dehydration."

So...hey.... if you're looking for a good way to dehydrate your baby, click it up!
This way, we all win... you get to dehydrate your baby, and I earn 1 cent from every click!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Thanks, sir!



Ok... so I don't want to get carried away here, but I'm about 99.8% sure that I was called "sir" today. In person. When someone was looking right at my GIRL face. .. and listening to my GIRL voice.


I went to the McDonald's drive-thru today for lunch... I gave the guy my money and he handed me my bag of food. And then.... he said.... "Thanks, sir!" and I sort of stopped and looked at him and he started half-laughing and looking away with an embarrassed face. And then I drove away in wonderment.

I thought it was bad enough being called "ma'am."


While I am not 100% positive that he actually called me "sir", I am pretty darn sure. I am also sure that I should try to dress girlier from now on. Perhaps the mohair suits and bowler hats at work have been a mistake? :(


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Social Networking Site Accuses Local Man of Being Gay!

And now, introducing THE KARYN GERMAIN WEEKLY NEWSLETTER's newest (and only) Cub Reporter! This does not necessarily mean that he will be letting us in on all the latest baby bear cub news (although that would be nice. Perhaps from time to time, Bob?)
It means he is our special guest blogger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob Evans
Cub Reporter

While I can't prove that my Grandmother is in charge of the ads that appear in the sidebar of my Facebook home page, I find it more than a little coincidental that they reflect her exact criticisms of me. Don't get me wrong, my Gramma is a sweet old woman, but she's very, very old and as such, feels that tact has long since become an impediment to expressing her feelings in the most devastating way possible.

As you will remember, these ads started as being fairly innocuous, touting vacation spots in barren and uninhabitable locations such as Prince Edward Islands.

One day, however, they decided to go on the attack.

I hit refresh on my home page for the 67th time that day, when I noticed in the corner of my eye the number 26 in one of the side ads. This number holds a mystical significance to me as it is my current age and I find anything that has to do with ME absolutely captivating. The message this ad was trying to impart to me came word by word:

"26" (A fine age)
"And" (My favorite conjunction)
"Still" (That's a little ominous)
"Single" (BASTARD!)
"?" (YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I AM!)

I am afraid to open facebook now! Every time I do I'm faced with horribly personal questions! 26 and STILL SINGLE!? 26 and OVERWEIGHT?! 26 and GAY?!

I think the worst and possibly the most pathetic effect these four words and one piece of punctuation had on me was that it hurt my feelings. I emitted an audible, "Awww maaan, c'mon..."


Sunday, July 6, 2008

*Baby Jingles*


Tonight I was sorting through a pile of newspapers. Out slipped a brochure... a shopping catalogue, if you will. I don't really know how to explain to you what I saw. I don't really have the words to express it yet. Perhaps I will just let you see for yourself.


Umm... okay... so this thing is called "Baby Jingles." I guess it's the first in a collection.... of.... newborn... baby posable monkeys. Anyway, here is the write up from the catalogue:

"
This playful little sweetheart is quite a handful - and as much fun as a barrel of you-know-whats! This little one knows how to get your attention. Introducing 'Baby Jingles' - a playful, posable newborn monkey who just wants to be 'babied.' Are you ready to love her back?

'Baby Jingles' is realistically sculpted (right down to her adorable monkey feet hidden inside her baby shoes.) She's covered with soft, hand-applied mohair. She gets her name from the jingle bells tied to her shoelaces! Best of all, she's costumed just like a pampered human baby, in a t-shirt that says 'Mommy's Little Monkey.'"

Ok. So. I'm actually not sure how I feel about this. My first reaction was ":-O SICK!!!!!!" but then, as I looked and read and cried (re: cuteness), I realized that she's a LITTLE BIT cute. I guess I want to play with her and love her and pose her. ... but just a little.


When I searched online for more Baby Jingles pictures, these photos came up. They are the next newborn baby monkeys from the "collection."






They are kind of gross. I'll admit. But they also fit right into the palm of your hand. Which is really cute. I'm so torn.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

This post is NOT about Sea-Monkeys. Okay.... ONE MORE.

hmm... I'm trying to think of something non-Sea-Monkey related to blog about.


hmmmm....


hmmm.... well, while I try to think of something, here is some news...


I have TWO pregnant Sea-Monkeys in my tank!!!! I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER!!!


:-O

:-O



Whoa mama.



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