Friday, May 30, 2008

ASSSSSK KARYN!


Dear ASSSSK KARYN!

I think I may know why you have writer's block at times. Your blog is called "The Karyn Germain Weekly Newsletter", yet when it first came out you were updating it almost daily. I'll admit it...at first I felt like I had been the victim of false advertising. I thought, "Why is she writing everyday? This isn't what I signed up for! I can't possibly keep up with this pace!" But then the anger subsided and I just enjoyed your sweet jokes and pictures of cats.

So I guess my question is...why do you "publish" a new newsletter so often? My apologies if this subject is too personal, but it has been bothering me for a while.

Crazy for Craisins in Cranbrook
_____________________


Dear Ungrateful Bastard... oops, I mean CfCiC,

Thank you so much for your question.

One may say that I update my blog so much because I am not unlike an insecure lover. I feel that if I disappear from the forefront of people's minds, they will forget to come back and check my website. They'll move onto a bigger, prettier, better website. One that puts out on the first date and bakes delicious cookies. And then their love for me will fade. And then I will fade. You hear me? FADE. Do you want that, CfCiC??? DO YOU?

Call me.


p.s. Also, if I don't update very often, I get complaints. Complaints come at me from all angles, day and night, night and day!!*


*has never actually happened.


p.p.s. craisins suck.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Ways To Get A Free Lunch ... Or Not.


Today I went to Tim Horton's for lunch. As I was sitting in my car in the drive-thru lane, I put some eye drops into my eyes because my peepers were drying out and sore. Immediately after I put them in, I noticed that the older gentleman in the car in front of me was staring at me in his rear view mirror. He was looking at me for quite some time. I realized then that my eyes looked like they were full of tears and I hoped - prayed- that he would feel real sorry for me and buy my lunch. You know how people do that? "I'll pay for the person's order behind me..." ? Well.. that has never happened to me and I thought that today was the day.

It wasn't. That jackass saw me "crying" and didn't even pay for my lunch!! ... hmm.... or maybe he asked the cashier how much my order had come to and was astonished by the price.

Either way, I am disappointed. Also, I will be trying out that whole eye-drops-in-the-drive-thru thing again!!! It's gotta pay off. It's brilliant!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Animal Prints -
Learn About Animals With Karyn!

Last night I watched a special on Animal Planet about Tasmanian devils (I lead a pretty exciting life, I guess.) Anyway, today I can't stop thinking about these creatures. They are 60% cute and 40% scary and rat-like, but I think I do fancy them.

That's right. Tasmanian Devils don't only belong on YTV's Looney Tunes. They also belong in real life!

Here are some questions about these marsupials from a reader:


How big are they, Karyn?: Medium. They're medium.


Do they bite, Karyn?: Yes, they sure do! They bite real hard.

Do they eat meat or salad?: Meat.

What do baby Tasmanian devil babies look like?: They're sooo cute!! But, interestingly, they stay in the Mom's pouch for about 5 months! Also, they are attached to the Mom's teats that entire time. Seriously!

Do the teats taste like milkshakes? Vanilla milkshakes?: Sherri....

Here are some pics of tasmanian devils... what do you think? Cute or gross?




I like that they have 900 long whiskers. They snarl and scream sometimes... but they're actually just scared and looking for love. (We women can relate to that, hey? Lol! Lol!)



hee hee! Baby ones!



BAH! Scary!!! But it's protecting it's babies. :D :D :D


Okay, this one is the cutest I could find. I wish I had him in my grasp and/or pouch.



Aww, little sleeping. Or... no... wait. No, this doesn't look like sleeping at all. This one might be dead. Yeah, I think it's dead. Don't look!! Stop looking!


And here's a vid-ya... see? Kind of cute.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The... Swinging Blue Jeans?

Hello!!!

I have not forgotten about you, dear reader(s).

But... I have writer's block galore right now. So I will leave you with a picture I found while scrounching around on the internet.

I guess this is ... like... a band or something? Has anyone heard these guys "play"? I would LOVE to hear them. I wonder what they play? "Swing", I guess. haha.

Also, their clothing reminds me of when some families get portraits taken... and they all wear some sort of jean clothing. You know? To sort of match, while still remaining hip and casual? So, you've got the dad, who's wearing a blue jean vest, the mom is wearing a blue jean sweater with jean jacket-shaped earrings and the three darling children are wearing jean button-up shirts and varied pants. Sick.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Animals Riding Other Animals!


Yep. The title pretty much sums it up...


hahaha. This picture was called "fat riding a horse."


Poor little Mexican pooch got tired!













This picture makes me laugh and laugh. I seriously want an 8x10 print of this, framed, in my living room. I think it would add a certain "je ne sais quoi."



hahaha. Creeps galore.



This picture was taken by a pretty talented photographer, I guess.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Fraggle ROCK ON!


I interrupt your very important day to bring you this EXCITING (and more important) NEWS!

"The Weinstein Co. is going to turn Fraggle Rock into a live-action musical movie!

A new generation will get to dance their cares away and worry another day.


According to
Variety, just like the series, the film will be populated by a mix of human characters and Fraggle Rock puppets. The pic will take the core characters Gogo, Wembley, Mokey, Boober and Red outside of their home in Fraggle Rock, where they interact with humans, which they think are aliens."


When I was little, I LOVED Fraggle Rock. Love, love, LOVED it!! So I am super excited!!!!! :D I used to watch this show with my Dad & brother. We'd get out the Salt & Vinegar chips and then crunch and laugh, laugh and crunch.


I added this picture of the DOOZERS for "anonymous." :)


I had these collectible cars from McDonald's back in '88! Did you? Maybe we could race or something. ... just kidding.*



*Email me. ;) We'll chat!!!! VROOM VROOM!

Fraggle Rock Intro

Monday, May 12, 2008

When Kids Are Smarter Than Adults...




I made a faux pas yesterday at a family function by *accidentally* bringing on the whole "homosexuality talk" with my cousin and her young daughter. Oops! Here's how it went down:


Setting: Sitting with several adults and one child at the dinner table.

Me: ... and so yeah, then we took a ferry to the island.

Annika (cousin's daughter): I know what a ferry is!

Me: Ohh. Very good!

Annika: Actually, I know TWO kinds of ferries.

Me: Well, one could say there are actually THREE types of ferries! (lol)

(knowing laughter from adults)

Annika: WHAT? What's the third kind?

Annika's Mom: Thanks, Karyn.

Me: Oops.

Annika: What other kind of ferries are there, Mom?

Annika's Mom: Ummm... uhhh...

Annika: TELL ME!

Annika's Mom: Karyn, why don't you explain it...

Me: Okay. Umm... Well, you see, Annika, when a man loves anoth-

Annika's Mom: NO! KARYN! STOP!

Annika: What is the third kind of ferry???!!

Me: Ummm... oh, you know what? I miscounted. There ARE only two types. You were right.

Annika: (not buying it for one second) TELL ME!

Everyone looks at each other awkwardly. Several people clear their throats. The rest pretend to be overly interested in their hamburgers.

Me: Well! ... I'm done eating. I'm going to head on inside.

Friday, May 9, 2008

ASSSSSK KARYN!


Dear Readers,

Recently I have been sent a question to the WORLD FAMOUS ASSSSK KARYN! mailbox. Unfortunately, I am having a bit of trouble answering it. I just can't decide what to say. So, for the FIRST TIME EVER, I am throwing this question out to you, dear readers. Let's come together and help "Disgusted in Delaware."

Please leave your advice for him/her in the comments section.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hi ASKKK KARYN!

Here is my dilemma...I have this friend who I have known for a long time. We haven't been hanging out as much in recent years, but we are good pals and get along great.
The problem: He smells. BAD. One time we were hanging out at my place and I noticed that he smelled weird. At first I thought "maybe he forgot to shower today." But after he left my place, I realized that his pungent odour was still present in my living room. I won't lie. I was disturbed. But it was nothing a little Febreeze couldn't handle.

Then the next time we hung out, I noticed that he was wearing the exact same clothing as before (and the time before that as well.) I jokingly said, "Hey, you were wearing those same clothes the last two times I saw you!" To which he said, "Well, yeah...I wear these clothes everyday." Horrified, I then asked, "Uh...how often do you wash them?" He replied, "I don't know...once in a while." He also mentioned that he wears those same clothes to the gym and then doesn't shower afterward! Needless to say, I have been reluctant to hang out with him since.

So, ASKKK KARYN!, I need your advice. How do I tell my friend that his lack of hygiene is disgusting and I want to be nowhere near him until it improves? (Also keep in mind, that I am not opposed to using those exact words, but I figured you might be able to come up with something a little better.)

Disgusted in Delaware (Long time reader, first time writer-inner.)


Maybe just loan him this book? Just draw a little "winky face" on the inside cover.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

More like... Birds of Creepidise! Hey? Lol!

By now you are well aware that The Karyn Germain Newsletter enjoys keeping its readers informed and teaching important life lessons.

Why ... just a few days ago, I taught you all about sea life! Remember? Clams galore, etc. etc.

Well, today... we explore... "Birds of Paradise."

You see, birds of paradise are found in eastern Indonesia, Torres Strait Islands, New Guinea and eastern Australia. The members of this avian family are perhaps best known for the plumage of the males, in particular "highly elongated and elaborate feathers extending from the beak, wings or head."

What Wikipedia does NOT tell you, however, is that Birds of Paradise are super CREEPY!

Here... watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyxFCvDRELc

Hey? Am I right? These are sooo sick!!! Like, seriously, if I was a girl bird and this boy bird was "dancing" in front of me, shimmying his gross body and bobbing his neck all over, I'd pee right in my pants. My bird pants. :(








Tuesday, May 6, 2008

ASKKKKK KARYN!


QUESTION. pLEASE ANSWER ASAP!!!

IF I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS, WOULD EATING THEIR COOKED MEAT MAKE ME SICK?


SIGNED,

GRUMBLY TUMBLY IN BURNABY


-------------------------------------------

Dear ...Grumbly ...Tumbly in Burnaby,

You are a disgusting person.



p.s. Once it's cooked you should be fine.




Monday, May 5, 2008

Scary Clam Things!


On my trip to B.C., I was enjoying a lovely, calm, peaceful walk with my family. Then a few family members started shrieking whilst walking, saying, "Something just sprayed at me!" but I never saw what was making them scream. ... until this...:



video


This video (above) is so short because in my shock and amazement, I accidentally clicked "record stop." :-O


video


hahaha. Yes, this is me laughing. And I am not proud. (Not my "normal" laugh... but I was pretty riled up by this point. Don't judge me.)

I guess these are some sort of clam things that are under the sand and spray water at you when they're scared and/or when they're trying to burrow deeper into the sand for protection.

I'm pretty sweet at teaching about sea life, I guess. :)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Blonde Raccoons!



In Nanaimo,B.C., I picked up a tourist card for a sailing excursion...







...and was pleasantly surprised to see that there was an opportunity to see "Blonde Raccoons"!



These images are what immediately popped into my mind (as I'm sure would happen with any other normal person) :











Thursday, May 1, 2008

Catching up...


Hi friends! I am back!! yay! Thanks, SHERRI H, for filling in with your terrific (and often wiener-filled) guest blogs! :)

I was in Nanaimo, B.C. for 5 days visiting my brother and sister-in-law. It was really nice, as I hadn't been on "vacation" or left Alberta for about 4 years. It was absolutely beautiful there... and I already miss the salty ocean air blowing in my face. AND, the gorgeous greenery!



I took this pic-a-ture.


I will be posting some trip photos in the next couple of days, but I have a couple of stories off the top of my head to account for today's blog. Today's BLOGGITY BLOG. Today's BLOGGERDY BLOGSTER. haha! I'm funny!!!


- Yesterday on the flight home I was so, so, so happy to see that they had Flight of the Conchords available as one of the shows you could watch on those little personal TVs. It is my all-time favorite show.. and I've gotten my parent's watching it, too. So, yesterday on the plane, we all synchronized our little TVs to be watching the same episode of FotC and then we were able to turn and look at each other's laughing faces and know that we were all enjoying the same comical moment. It was cute.

- We stopped at McDonald's on the way home from the airport. I ordered the food and as I waited at the counter, the new cashier in training made eye contact with me and, without any prompting from me, managed to tell me extremely personal health issues within a matter of two minutes. Here is our conversation:

Cashier: "Yeah I have learned not to take THOSE anymore!!!!!! HAHAHAHA"

Karyn: (to be polite) "Uhh... what?"

Cashier: "Well, I have a bladder infection, right? Yeah, a really bad one. So the doctor gives me pain killers, hey? So here I was this morning, first day at my new job, and I popped a few! So, then I was throwing up all the time and they had to cover for me!! hahaha! I would take an order and then run to throw up. I learned not to take THOSE anymore, I will tell you that!!!!!"

Karyn: "Oh. Yeah. I bet! ha..ha..." *looking around*

Cashier: "Yep. Bladder infections are THE WORST. HAHAHA"

Karyn: "Mmhmm. Oh! Is that my order? There? Behind... you?"

Cashier: "YEP it is! Hey, if you need anything else, anything, just come right back up, okay?"

Karyn: "Okay! ha.. thanks."


I must have one of "those faces".... that invite strangers to tell me about their bladder infections. :( Also, what kind of food service person discusses their bladder and vomit while handing you your tray full of food? That said, I still wolfed it down like nobody's business...

Facebook in Reality

You MUST watch this video. It is hilarious. KARYN GERMAIN NEWSLETTER APPROVED!

*Credit goes to SARA M for finding this wee gem.

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