Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What Bob Has Been Doing Since I've Been Away...


My friend Bob made me this sweet pie graph (He's real dumb.)

I'm glad that my friends are still doing important things with their time since I've been away.

See y'all tomorrow and/or Thursday!!!!!!

Guest Blog: Trying to get out of the Guest Blog

I wrote two guest blogs- one of which was mostly a picture of hot dogs looking at hot dogs- and I'm already out of ideas. Also, I have most of this week off and I want to get a pedi today. So, I tried to pawn this gig off on Dan Youngs. I made sure to use a lot of exclamation points to get him super excited up re: guest blogging, but that obvi didn't work...

Sherri H
9:42pm Apr 28th

You have won a free guest blog on The Karyn Germain Newsletter blog!!!! Please submit your free guest blog tomorrow by 3pm along with colourful, vibrant pictures!!!!

Thank you and congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Karyn Germain Weekly Newsletter Contest Admin (Sherri)


Dan Youngs
Today at 10:53am

holyshit i won! Ok ok... soo like, what's the deal with mouthwash... i mean, it says right on the bottle "don't drink it", but if we're not supposed to drink it, why do they always come with the little plastic shot glass?

Thank you. You guys have been great


*I was going to include a colourful, vibrant picture since Dan neglected that part of his Guest Blogging duties. But when I googled "mouth wash" a bunch of oral decay pics came up and I got grossed out.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Hot Dogs Vs Wieners: the rematch

The Poll has officially been re-counted and the NEW results show that hot dogs can be used to describe both the wiener and the wiener bun combination. That is all.



















I don't really get this cartoon, but I think it perfectly sums up this issue. Also, it really makes you think.

Total Yawn Factory- Sherri Guest Blog

In Junior High I was on the Student Support Team, which we all know is code for Student Nerd Team. Our purpose was to be the good listener, the shoulder for our fellow students to cry on. I was trained on how to listen, but I could never fully master the skill.

I don't know what it is, but as soon as someone starts talking to me about something boring I tune them out and start thinking "Man, this is boring." I'll sit there watching that mouth yammer on and think to myself "Holy yawn factory! Who invited me to this bore-a-thon??"


Sometimes I'll throw in the occasional "Ummm...yes" or "Well, I don't see what's wrong with that" to make it seems like I'm listening (something I picked up in Student Nerd Team training.) Someone could suggest that killing puppies is the only logical solution and I would respond with a cheerful "Yes. Sounds good to me."

But then I start to worry. As soon as my internal monologue kicks in re: super boring convo, I immediately think this person might be psychic and that they're reading my mind- which I'm sure has happened many times to many boring psychics. So, like any normal person, I frantically remind myself to stop thinking about how boring this person is and to NOT think about anything inappropriate- just in case they are psychic. But my mind always wanders into the gutter. I'm not going to say how far into the gutter I go (that varies depending on how attractive the person is), I'll just say it's stuff you wouldn't want the other person to know you're thinking. Does anyone else do this? Karyn told me this isn't normal, but Karyn isn't exactly normal herself...so...you know...

Also, I have no idea how to place pictures with this blog thing. Here is a kitty yawning.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

ugh

SHERRI! You are the worst "Guest Blogger" in the universe!!!!!!!! >:(

Friday, April 25, 2008

WINNING WINNERS!



BY: SHERRI

After careful re-examination re: The Karyn Germain New Member Recruitment Contest, I've realized there's no way to tell who recruited whom. So, when I was out for lunchies (no, we don't call it that?) with Christie and Meredith I just gave them a couple coupons I had on me. INSTANT WINNING! w00t! w00t! Also, we ordered bento boxes and Meredith gave me her scallop. FREE SCALLOP! w00t! w00t! (Everyone went home a winner that day.) Also, I lied and said I didn't have any of the good Indian or Thai coupons on me, but I totally did. Christie and Meredith don't read that last sentence, please.

I apologize to those who really did recruit members. Oopsie Poopsie! I'm a bad thinker! But please keep recruiting more members to help Karyn and I achieve our dream of rolling around in pennies (pennies= profits. But since we're not actually making any money, it'll look like more if we convert it into pennies.)




Happy KARYN GERMAIN NEWSLETTER contest winners Christie (left, giving the always popular "thumbs up") and Meredith (right). These gals LOVE their gourmet hot dogs! Especially FREE ONES*!



*FREE with the purchase of one gourmet hot dog or medium Julius original with relish and cheese of equal or greater value.

Thank you,

The Karyn Germain Winning Winners Announcer (Sherri)

Would you like to holiday in St. Germain?


Two things for today:

The Ad today says,

"Holiday Inn in St Germain
Hotels in Paris. Low rates guaranteed. Official Site."

hahahahha. Because my last name is Germain??? I guess?


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, I was trying to type the word "niceties" just now, but I spelled it like this... "niceities" and I noticed that it looks A LOT like I was typing the phrase, "nice titties." But I wasn't. I'm a lady.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

ASKKKKKKKK KARYN!


Dear Karyn,

Recently I was given the advice of lying to the multiple girls I'm seeing about it "not being me" they saw with another girl. Although I'm sure that would have worked wonderfully, your readers have cracked my alias name and figured out who I was!

Now whenever I say something like, "No baby, that wasn't me you saw making out with the sexy blond in the back of the club" they become very suspicious. Do you have any suggestions for convincing your readers that I'm not a big player... while still attempting to "get with" several of them?


Sincerely,

Was Outed...and Wasn't Even In

-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear O...AWEI,

Hmm. Quite the quandary you have there, Adam*. I guess there's only one option for you. Tell the gal you're trying to "get with":


Girl, you're my angel...
you're my darling ...angel

Closer than my "peeps" you are to me
baby

Shorty, you're my angel
you're my darling ...angel

Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady...


But, that said, remember these parting words:

Life is one big party when you're still young
But who's gonna have your back when it's all done? (yeah)


















*Karyn, don't forget to change Adam's name to a clever pseudonym before posting. Or else he will be m-a-d!!!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Babushka Kittens



Babushka Kittens

I posted this picture on the Facebook group... but frankly, it is just TOO MUCH to not blog about. I would like to tell you what I like so much about this picture:

1. The fact that I can use the word "babushka" numerous, numerous times in a single day.

2. Kittens and/or cats in any box, at any time, is undeniably adorable. I don't know why, it just is.

3. These babushka kittens are obviously too hot to be wearing babushkas and thick down-filled jackets. I mean, look - the sun is shining! It's about 15 degrees. And any time an innocent animal is in pain or discomfort for the sake of a picture, it's undeniably adorable. I don't know why, it just is. Oh wait. Not pain. Just mild dressed-up-discomfort.

4. BABUSHKAS!!!!!!! hahahahaahahaha

5. KITTENS wearing BABUSHKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. The fact that they're all really calm and upright and wrapped up like fat sausages.

7. Their little closed-eyes-in-contentment faces!!! UGH. I can't get enough of them.*

*except for the middle cat. It's
ugly. :D

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Just who IS Reggie "Baby Pug" O'Malley?

Last week on the "Karyn Germain Weekly Newsletter" Facebook group, we held a contest for "Best Pug Picture." Somehow or another (I google-imaged "baby pug") I came across this horrific sight:



It was a pretty close competish, but I did NOT win, sadly. Anyway, ever since the fateful day that I stumbled across this tragic picture, I've been wondering, "just who IS Reggie "Baby Pug" O'Malley?" (besides being a guy with pretty much the most wicked name and nickname EVER.) So, here for your reading pleasure, is the only biography I can find for him online:

In 1927
Reginald O'Malley (known affectionately in Irish fight circles as Reggie "Baby Pug" O'Malley) became the youngest welter weight boxing champion ever crowned. Just three weeks shy of his eleventh birthday he knocked out Jimmy "the Dive" Valentine in the thirty-ninth round in Atlantic City on March 12th. Although he lost the title six months later (in a hotly disputed split decision to Rocky Balboa that was followed by a near riot in Jersey City), O'Malley remained a fan favorite for the remainder of his career. In July of 1945 O'Malley ws smuggled into Japan by submarine. His effort to act as a spy was cut short when the Japanese became suspicious because he did not speak the language. His execution was scheduled for August 15, 1945, and he was saved by the Emperor's decision to surrender. At present Reggie is a greeter at the Golden Mirage Casino in Pine Bluff, Arkansas.
-------------------------------------------------
Quite a life our Reggie led! Also, what kind of breezing over the whole "him being convicted and sentenced to execution" thing??

Monday, April 21, 2008

If You Don't Like It, You Can SUCK MY CROCS!


OMG. I can't believe it... Look what has been invented:

Croc HIGH HEELS!!


Hahaha! Hilarious! (and slightly wonderful for people like me.)

In case you don’t know, I put comfort about 10 pegs ahead of fashion. Always have, always will. If a shoe is going to make me uncomfortable for an entire night and encourage my feet to blister and bleed, I will wear flats. Or small comfy heels. And I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone says about it.

My own personal, beautiful "Croc story" actually started last Easter, when I was given a pair as a gift. At that point, I had no feelings (for or against) them. And, really, I've never understood why people feel so strongly against Crocs. Sure, they're not that attractive, but who cares? They're MY feet and I am wearing them. (Besides, I call them "croccers", which automatically makes them wayyyy cuter.)

So, let me just say, Crocs are the most comfortable shoes in the entire world and I often wear them around the house because they’re even comfier than bare feet. Well, imagine my shock and excitement when I saw Croc High heels advertised recently!! It made me laugh a bit, as I never thought that Crocs would introduce anything other than a shuffling-around clog. But now, I can buy a pair and look like I’m making some sort of attempt at looking good & being uncomfortable, but in reality, my little thankful tootsies and piggies will be cushioned in foot-massaging rubber. Yesssssssssss. Take THAT, Posh Spice!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Guest Blog!

Admitting Defeat

By: Sherri H

Over the past few days, I've taken some time to reflect and reconsider. I have no issue admitting when I'm wrong...provided I'm WRONG. The Karyn Germain Newsletter Poll re: hot dogs vs. wieners has closed and, according to your stupid* votes, I'm in the wrong. But I'm not in the wrong! Not when it comes to calling hot dogs wieners. No one in their right mind would choose to say "wiener" instead of "hot dog," unless said person is talking about penises and didn't want to say "penis" because "penis" sounds grosser than "wiener." Also, "wiener' is a funnier word to use when talking about penises, but I don't want to guest blog about penises (but believe me, I could allllllllllllllll night long- if you know what I mean.) Also, ;););)

... Great. Now I've forgotten what I was writing about...penises...wieners...hot dogs...RIGHT. Losing that poll. All I have to say is COME ON PEOPLE. You are not serious. I'm not saying I'm angry...I'm just disappointed, which we all know is waaaay worse, like that time you were twelve and "accidentally" tore your new school clothes because everyone else had these really cool skin-tight jeans and you were walking around in stupid stirrup pants for babies.

I think the worst part about losing this poll is that I cheated. I cheated galore! I voted more than once, I sent threatening emails to friends and I did some things with the Electronics Staff at Future Shop that I'm not proud of, and I STILL lost.

On an unrelated note, who hopes this entry will result in penis ads on Karyn's blog???

*stupid means treasured. Your vote matters. Thank you for participating, friend.

The Karyn Germain Newsletter Guest Blogger (Sherri)


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Bed & Breakfast

When I started my job, they sent me to Calgary for a week of training. I had never, believe it or not, been on a trip by myself before! I was very excited. I had been hoping to stay in a hotel (hello, SWIMMING POOL and snick snack machine!) but they booked me into a Bed & Breakfast instead. I'm not going to lie... I wasn't overly happy.

I've never really liked the idea of Bed & Breakfasts... mainly because I don't do mornings and I don't do small talk. And, at a Bed & Breakfast, you have to do both. You have to wake up and go down to the dining room and say good morning and eat a frilly breakfast with a bunch of strangers while they ask you "what brings you to town?" and "can you pass the preserves?" It's just so uncomfortable. It all feels like you're staying with a stuffy Aunt & Uncle that you've never met. In this case, it was like staying with the elderly gay Uncle I'd never met.

Here are some pictures and highlights from my trip to the B&B:

Soooo nervous and excited for my new job!

My Bed & Breakfast.


My room: "The Windsor."


Grandma decorating.


The B & B had two dogs living there. This is Maisy. :D :D :D She was real naughty, coming into my room when she wasn't allowed.


The living room.


"HI!"

A wall decoration in my room. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this. Is this picture even legal?


But then came.... The Worst Thing I Have Ever Seen in My Life. Two sickening ceramic dogs with red chest hair and wise, sincere faces.


"What the H?"


But we became fast friends.


Our portrait.


Goofing around.


Sight seeing.


"Do you see what I see, Chestermire?"


Lol! Lol!


Goodnight.


Monday, April 14, 2008

Best Blog of All Time??


Karyn would like to thank everyone for voting for HER BLOG in the Blogger's Choice Awards! NOT. She would NOT like to thank you*, because 99% of you haven't voted.

An afternoon visit at Route 99 Diner revealed an angst-ridden Karyn who, after a couple of calming jammy jay's (pankcakes with jam), realized that you need to log-in to the website in order to vote. And that is an awful lot of trouble to go to for someone...regardless of how much you like/dislike them. Am I right?! When asked about this, Karyn replied with a hearty, jam-filled grin, "Well, to be honest, I didn't even want to log-in to that site. And it's MY blog. So I can totally understand why only four people voted. Gawd. Who would? For THIS piece of crap?? .... don't add that last part to the quote, okay?" "Okay," said Sherri. "I won't add that part." <*
note to self: take out the 'piece of crap' part before posting this>

On a lighter note, Karyn finds one of the nominations for "Best Blog of All Time" extremely amusing. "Yeah! That's hilarious," said Karyn over a plate full of sloppy joes at Route 99 Diner, AFTER she'd eaten all those jammy jay's. Just saying. "Best Blog of All Time!!! I seriously laughed for about twelve minutes over that one. I mean, my blog is really, really good.. no question about that... but 'the best'? Probably. Ohhhhhhhh YEAH!!!!" At this point in the interview Karyn held up her hand for a "high five." I declined. Her hands were filthy.



*Special thanks to Eric, Mike and Bob for voting in the online poll.
You must really like Karyn. Or be real bored.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Spill the Beans, re: Wieners


Dear Readers... please weigh in with your opinions on this very important matter.

Here's how it all began:

====================

Karyn: I had macaroni for supper tonight.

Sherri: Did it have hot dogs in it?


Karyn: Umm... no. Also, the question should be "did it have wieners in it." The term 'hot dog' means the wiener AND the bun. Together.


Sherri: Nuh uh!


Karyn: (laughing, real cute-like) YES!! A hot dog is when you have a wiener in a BUN. If it doesn't have a bun, then it's just called a wiener.

Sherri: NO!!! A hot dog can mean just the wiener part OR a wiener with a bun. It's a multi-purpose word.

Karyn: But if you walked up to a vendor on the street and said, "Can I please have a hot dog?" and he handed you just a naked wiener, wouldn't you be perplexed?

*silence*


So, okay, what do YOU think a hot dog is? Is it just the wiener part, or is it when a wiener comes together with a bun?


Stop looking at these really cute pictures!! We need your opinions. (Also, how delish would that soft little head taste?)


Sick.


Sherri, see, THIS is a wiener. Also, hahahaha how cute of a picture???

hahaahahahaha.

UGHHHH!!! Little stupid baby face popping out of a wiener. On a related note, only BABIES refer to wieners as "hot dogs." ... Only STUPID babies.

--------------------------------------------------------

Update: The results of the poll.... KARYN wins! (It also looks a lot closer than it actually was... Sherri cheated GALORE!) Also, who are the jackfaces who chose the third option??!


A "hot dog" can refer to just the wiener part - 11 Votes (37%)

A "hot dog" is when there's a wiener AND a bun - 16 Votes (55%)

Karyn has really stupid polls - 2 Votes (6%)

Total Votes: 29

The Last One.... I *kind of* Promise...

I realize that the reason we keep getting DIAPER ads on this page is because I keep talking about diapers. It's a cause-and-effect thing. A "catch-22" if you will. But... I just have oneeee lasssttt diaper post. FOREVER. (Well, for this week, anyway, haha!)

When I read the advertisement today (at the bottom of the page), this is what it said:

"Dry Care Adult Diapers.
High Absorbency... 2 - 3 litres
!"

Ok. 2-3 LITRES?? Are you kidding me? I think if "litres" are coming out, you should probably get yourself to a hospital, stat.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

ASKKKKKKK KARYN!

Dear Karyn,

Recently it has been brought to my attention that I'm getting a reputation as being a bit of a "player." Probably because I tend to go for a few different girls at the same time. How can I convince whatever girl I'm with that I'm really a wholesome guy and only interested in them, but at the same time invite someone else over the next night?

Sincerely,

Hated for Being a Player in the Game
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear HFBAPITG,

You have quite the predicament there. When I am unsure of what advice to give, I often turn to a really special musical artist (also a fabulous song writer) that I hold close to my heart. And, as Shaggy says, "Just say it wasn't you."

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)



Yeah, I can't see what could possibly go wrong with this advice.

Love,
Karyn


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Murder of the Agile Kind

I drive to work everyday along River Valley Road. It's beautiful, scenic, etc etc. I don't blame people for wanting to "take it all in." The river, the trees, the fresh, new-day air. But, when I see morning joggers every friggin day, my first instinct is to hit them with my car.

A little film plays out in my head... I swerve my car quickly, aim full-on and propel his stupid exercising body into the air. He does several flips in the air (because he is so agile and athletic) and then comes crashing down onto the cold, hard concrete. I smile to myself, pump up the jams and keep on a-drivin'.

Does this make me a bad person?

Monday, April 7, 2008

Old Tyme Treasures

A few weekends ago, I visisted a local Antique store with my 'rents. We ended up spending about 2 1/2 hours in there, rummaging through all of the junk... with occasional treasures and about 560 good laughs. Here, for your undoubted viewing pleasure, are a few of my favorite items:

This is a cookie jar that says "For Good Little Lambs Only"! haha. UGH!!! It is sooo cute and sooo gross. My Mom used to call me "little lamb" when I was little (no joke) so that also makes it a little funnier for me.



These are just some miscellaneous athletic bunnies. ... what every home needs. I like "badminton bunny" the best!!



I have NO IDEA what this even is. All I know is it's a ceramic dog with a soother in his mouth. But when I saw this in the store, I sat on the floor and laughed and laughed and laughed. (Does anyone know what this is for? Or is it just a really sickening decoration?)



Mr. Marbles. Cre-epy.




These have given me nightmares for the past seventeen nights. ... Lovely... wall decorations?




hahahahahahahaahhahaa. Angry Nectarine Salt & Pepper shakers, anyone?

Salt & Pepper Shaker Maker #1: So.... we've done corn on the cobs, kittens with bows and outhouses. What next?
S& P M # 2: What about...like... nectarines?
S & P M # 1: Oooh! Yeah! ANGRY nectarines!
S & P M # 2: Bingo.






Miscellaneous creepy ceramic dogs.



"Pigs in a Poke - Made in Occupied Japan. $39." They kind of look more like "pigs in a coffin" to me, but who am I to judge?




HAPPY POP!!!! If you're around my age, you will remember these from the 80's. What a special day it was when Mom & Dad would come home with this crate!! :D Cream Soda galore!!!



Hahahahahaha. I don't think was even a cookie jar. Just a gross ceramic to add joy to any home decor!




A pig cookie jar (For little pigs to put their hooves into and pull out cookies :D :D :D )



It's pretty depressing that "my" old Barbie suitcase is now considered an "antique." :/




A ceramic lamb... filled with plastic flowers. For .. uhh.. that special occasion.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

MORE good news for people with diabetes!

On TV, there is a commercial currently running that says:

"MORE good news for people with diabetes!!!"

Now... my question is... what was the first round of good news? That they were diagnosed with an incurable disease? That they'd have to inject insulin daily? That diabetes can be fatal?

What can be better than all of that? Diabetics are lucky. They get all of the good news.

Friday, April 4, 2008

KITTY WIGS!



My life is officially complete.

I have stumbled across a real gem this time!

The site is called kittywigs and it is every bit as dumb as it sounds. You can now order WIGS for your cat!!! hahahaha.
The wigs are available in four stunning colors... pink, blonde, silver or electric blue.

"
Silver is all about sophistication. Indoors or out, this wig takes Flash to a special place -- where everything is sleek and svelte, young and foxy."

I can't stop laughing at the pictures of these dumb cats wearing wigs!!! I myself think that Radar Marie would look best in the curly pink one :D :D :D

This is my favorite picture from the site:



So artsy! So sleek!
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